Taking no prisoners. Including herself.

As yesterday was the Official Last Day of my “vow of celibacy“  [I'm officially re-naming this project after having received much confusion and outrage over its apparent misleading moniker. Name TBD], I have to admit to being a little sad.

I haven’t written much about this vow here on NKS, but I’ve been living it every day, and I have to say that it’s had a pretty solid effect on me.

No, it really doesn’t have all that much to do with sex or dating or doing — or not doing — anything in particular (ergo, the misleading name). My real intention was just to watch and learn.

Watch what? When and why I am attracted to someone, and how that effects (and affects…) my behavior.

And what did I find? That being attracted to someone is largely unconscious. (I have no idea why I’m to attracted to whom I’m  attracted*[1].) But, often, the way I interact with that person of attraction is just as much about me as it is about them. That often in the attraction dance, I am not just after a healthy flirtation. I am after approval. It’s pretty textbook, actually:

I find you attractive, so I –> Try to impress you, because if –> you find me attractive, then –> I’ll feel accepted.

Even at the root of something as primitive and biological as sexual desire, there is a fundamental need for acceptance. We’re all hard-wired for wanting social acceptance (our lives being dependent on it).

I’ve found that my “vow of [name TBD]” has impacted not only the way I interact with other people, but the way I interact with myself, and every moment. If there is no need to be pretty, clever, cute, smart, hip, successful, or together in order to impress someone, then I don’t have to waste energy trying to be those things (or, as it were, trying to convince others that I already am…) and if I’m not wasting energy proving any of that, I have a whole lot more energy to… be here.

I get to just be… present. No proving. No striving. No analyzing.

Ah! I’m starting to catch on to what these celibate monks had in mind!

Vow is being extended through March.

§811 · February 1, 2010 · Celibacy Vow · Tags: , , , · [Print]

1 Comment to “Vow of [name TBD] Extended”

  1. alia beeton says:

    wonderful insights pookie. I love it.

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