Taking no prisoners. Including herself.

(Not to be confused with “spot” — that’s for another day’s lesson, kids.)

Today at Not Keeping Score the word is “good-bye,” I’m afraid. Now, before you can drop a tear, put up a hand, and yell “don’t go!” — breathe. NKS isn’t going anywhere. It’s only, I, your devoted author that is letting go of a few things, and thought I’d humbly share in the process.

Even wrote you a little poem:
As we say Hello to December, there is G’Bye in the air,
Dear Readers, remember, one must let go with flair!
Change can be hard, but I mustn’t be ‘fraid
So down with my guard (this is how progress is made)
I plug up my nose, and jump into the Deep
The only way that one grows is by taking a leap
I say: “ta-ta!” at the door and take a last look
November 2006 is ne’er more; will exist only in my book

Eh? Whatta think? Okay, no. Moving on. My good-byes:

The end of November and NaNoWriMo felt like a strange good-bye to an intense love affair with a foreign exchange student who had to go back to his home country because his visa expired…and all I was left with were the memories of me and “FrancĂ­sco” — oh, and these 50,000 words of sweet nothingness.

I’ve also mentioned on NKS that I’ve temporarily said good-bye to the corporate slings and arrows of a day job–and subsequently a paycheck (ouch).

But there is more [sniff]:

I’m moving out the TenderNobb, San Francisco. You heard right: No more poetry-inspiring trannie-prostitutes; no more Party Store; no more round-the-clock sirens; no more late night drunks; no more homeless, crackheads, one-legged pigeons, noisy neighbors, street traffic, car alarms — (why did I move here again?)

Riding this wave of change, I’ve decided to give up my studio in ‘The Nobb’, and am going to take a temporary stay up north in Sonoma County with the ‘rents.

Oh, yes: I’m unemployed and I’ll be living with my parents. If any of your single friends are interested in my phone number, tell them I’m codependent, too. (Guys dig that).

So, I’ve said good-bye to the job, good-bye to NaNoWriMo, good-bye to the studio, good-bye to the neighborhood, and good-bye to my “San Francisco glory.” And soon, we’ll be saying good-bye to 2006.

Sad? Anxiety-ridden? At first. I’ve lived in San Francisco for over 5 years, I’m a city girl to the bone (have an intense fear of failure, currently being worked on in therapy, Thankyouverymuch), and 2006 was a magical year of Project-mania. I’m not sure 20 dates in 20 days would go over the same way in Petaluma (then again – why not?)

But then I came to realize that change isn’t (as) scary when it’s right. Things are tilting in a new direction — and while it can be exhausting, my life feels nimble, agile, pregnant with possibility — vivid.

And yet strangely calm. (-er).

As I face uncertainty in many facets of life right now, the second I find myself fretting about them, I realize that, yes, it’s scary, but yes, it’s all okay. Why? (I have no fucking clue?) No! Wrong answer. It’s because it’s as exciting as fuck and I wouldn’t have it any other way! It’s because when one door closes 50 more open! It’s because you have to say “good-bye” in order to begin again; it’s because I am long winded and — do I have to explain? Haven’t you been paying attention to anything I’ve written all year? Or have you all said good-bye already? Hello? Hello? Anybody there? Hello?!


§230 · December 3, 2006 · San Francisco glory · · [Print]

4 Comments to “The G Word”

  1. m says:

    nooooooooooo, don’t go!
    speaking on behalf of your legion of fans, you’re awesome!
    you inspire good vibes, smiles and all kinds of positive things … so please keep inspiring the world!
    your fan and former cubicle partner,

  2. mamma R squared says:

    you are a braver woman than I…yet we will be going through a life altering change at the same time…funny, aint it?

  3. date #11 says:

    this is no way to celebrate the anniversary of our 20 minute date. move away from the city, quit the job, live with your parents, but for god’s sake, keep the blog.

  4. Shannon says:

    I’ve had some confused emails of folks thinking this was The Big Good-bye.

    To reiterate: The blog Not Keeping Score isn’t going anywhere – it is only the author that is moving out of San Francisco. NKS will continue on.

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