Today I went to yoga, had a facial, and took a nap. That’s it. I have been sitting in my fuzzy red robe and drinking tea for the past 5 hours.
And I know it seems crude at a time like this to be doing something like having a facial — but the thing is, I can use all the distraction I can get. My parents and I are realizing that it’s much better to leave the house at least once a day no matter what — even if only to buy broccoli — than to stay inside and stare at the ever-growing pile of sympathy cards.
I had very big plans for today: I was going to join a gym (my body, heart and brain desperately need to pound the pavement), finish writing my brother’s obituary, make sure the cremation house got the necessary paperwork, pay the pile of bills that have accumulated on my desk, take the dogs for a walk, and call the San Francisco courthouse…
…I have jury duty. [cue the irony bells]…
…But I didn’t. I retired at 5pm, at which point I made myself some chamomile tea, changed into my robe, and called it a day.
My parents confirm the prevailing fatigue. We have concluded that just being awake is so emotionally draining that it takes a physical toll; I feel like I have Pre-Flu 24/7. (And I thought I was done with the Dengue Fever!)
But I did tell myself that my only work, after checking in with my parents and sister-in-law, was to make an effort to write — write something — every day.
(I’m so sorry, Dear Readers, that that Something is something like this; well-written blog posts are a little elusive for me right now).
And so, having accomplished that, I’m signing off for today. I will leave you with something from Zen Master Layman P’ang (c. 740-808):
When the mind is at peace,
the world too is at peace.
Nothing real, nothing absent.
Not holding on to reality,
not getting stuck in the void,
you are neither holy nor wise, just
an ordinary fellow who has completed his work.
