Taking no prisoners. Including herself.

Look:
I can’t distinguish between Craigslist and “real” dates anymore;
need calendar notes to remember who’s who;
previous dates calling back;
ex-boyfriend called;
and
the guy I think I’d actually like to date is too busy ballpoint-pen shopping.
I quit.

(what is this?)

—BEGIN NOTE—
Dearest Sweetest Readers,
I apologize. I was rash. [deep inhale]

I hope you know I’d never let you down by quitting –two dates short– and thus failing to complete the 20/20/20 Project. I know you demand high-quality quips, in 20 words exactly, about the fantastic machine that is Craigslist. I know that the complete ridiculous chaos that is my dating life brings large amounts of entertainment into your life. This is why I here. And so, I will continue; I will trudge forth, determined, persistant, and I will perservere. [deep exhale]

I am not a quitter.

I will continue to show up to work hung over and broke the next day.
I will continue to spend a good majority of my spare time in email correspondence with strangers.
I will continue to try and reinvent my First Date Monologue to maintain a sense of genuineness.
I will continue to slide into the cold pool of self-doubt as I defend my project to those who think me insensitive, explain the reasoning to those who think me crazy, and laugh with my mother who thinks me pointless.
I will continue to disappoint my journalism teacher for not writing anything of real substance, and
I will continue to let coworkers laugh at me and shake their heads.
I will continue to let the boundaries of my social life, writing life, and mental life blur.
I will continue with the Project for the love of God I will continue with the Project even though, every now and again, I ask myself:

What the Hell am I doing?

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s date, when I meet someone at 5:30AM to put up pictures of Edward Furlong every furlong. (Was that cheating just then to describe what I was going to do on my date tomorrow? But wait– I did it in 20 words. I swear that wasn’t intentional.)
—END NOTE—

§56 · December 20, 2005 · 20/20/20 · · [Print]

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