NOT KEEPING SCORE

I miss my brother.
…I thought I had more to write than that… But I guess I don’t.

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See — life isn’t all doom and gloom: my cat Patches, at 16 years old, finally learned to use the litterbox! We celebrated this morning with an extra serving of Giblets & Gravy (for her) and freshly-brewed homemade Dong Quai tea (for me). Then I sat down to write.
It is precisely at this moment — […]

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A letter came in the mail. It indicated I had a package waiting for me at the post office. From the Trident Society. I knew what it was.
Carrying the box from the post office to the car, I noted how unbelievably heavy it was (my brother was a big guy). Do you know how much […]

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I have stories to tell from New Year’s, and Mendocino, and the general endings of 2007 and going-forth-ness of 2008 — but first I need to take a moment to reflect, once again, upon death and loss.
Since my brother died, every day is strange and different, difficult and sometimes joyful in the most unexpected ways. […]

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I’ve been having the wish to just go and get away from my skin, my head, my life for the past couple of days — to get out with friends, and pretend like things are “normal.”
My wish was granted when a very dear friend and ex-roomie, “Foote”, now living in Brooklyn, said she was in […]

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Wrapped in grief is the gift of joy.
– Nell Tomassen Reboh
My sister-in-law, C., and her brother came over for Christmas brunch, and card games, and Dance Dance Revolution. We even opened a few presents. C.’s brother, who lives in Japan, gave to me a stacking bento box with glittery butterflies on it. I adore it.
It […]

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Instead of doing more Christmas shopping, or wrapping presents, my friend Whit invited me on another beach hike to Bodega; so much better.
It was sunset on the lowest tide of the year — sun sunk west beyond naked seaweed beds; 5 minutes later a blossoming full moon peered over the Eastern cliffs.
We explored smooth […]

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So many wonderful things happen in a day.
I take a nice long walk; I am fluid. I stretch, I work, I buy a new book (or 20). I feel the soft rub of a scarf as I wind it around my neck; I am warm. I drink fresh, gritty, strong dandelion tea in a ceramic […]

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Because I’m just too tired to write anything new, I’m posting my speech from my brother’s Celebration of Life ceremony.
Each of us has a spark of life inside us, and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark in one another. –Kenny Ausubel
There will always be the past to miss.
the headpats […]

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