I knew this February 14 would be spent un-romantically: I don’t have a boyfriend, husband, or even lover. And that darn vow!

But Valentine’s Day, especially over the past couple of years, has never been strongly associated with romance, Hallmark, and candy hearts for me; rather, the 14th day of our second month is strongly tied to  loss and memory, to spirituality and hope. Valentine’s  is both my brother’s birthday and a very special weekend I spent meditating alone in the northern mountains of Sa Pa, Vietnam.

But, as Valentine’s Day nears, I see that it will be exactly perfect: I will be traveling with my ex-boyfriend, to my parents’, to visit my brother’s bench.

I sat zazen this evening and realized that — no — not the most romantic day, but a day certainly full of love on all fronts.

Evoking (and invoking) Socrates, all I have to offer for tonight’s post are more questions:

• Can “crush” (generation 2)  actually mean “learning to love anew”?
• Are some types of love more dangerous than others?
• Doesn’t all love carry with it some inherent danger?
• Is it “dangerous” to be vulnerable?
• Isn’t love, really, the safest bet of all?
• When is love “not worth it”? When is it worth everything?
• Does love have a quantifiable value? If so, would you pay it?
• If it’s probable to re-love an old love, is it equally probable to un-love a new love?
• What if that new love and old love are the same love?
• Is love is love is love? Was all love created equal?
• Since when does having a crush mean breaking a vow of celibacy?
• Can one have sex and still honor the original intention of abstinence?
• How is it that I don’t care about any of these questions, and that I already know the answer?

 ”Substract love from love and the remainder is love” – Upanishads

(oops)

Wow wow wow wow wow wow, wow.

Ooh. Those great foam rollers everyone loves. The ones you crawl around on to stretch out the muscles. The perfect self-massage. I do a solid 30 minutes before bed. Ah, now I’ll really be able to sleep. read more »

As yesterday was the Official Last Day of my “vow of celibacy“  [I'm officially re-naming this project after having received much confusion and outrage over its apparent misleading moniker. Name TBD], I have to admit to being a little sad.

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Wow.

This vow is harder than I thought; and easier; and more effective. Oh, the opportunity to self-learn is excruciating.

Do you know how liberating it is to go out clubbing in ratty jeans, an over-sized t-shirt, and sneakers bought in Vietnam that now have worn holes on the toes while everyone else is in spandex?

Very.

But do you know the kind of response you get when you bust a move to Bel Biv Devoe in downtown Oakland while not giving two licks what you look like?

Pretty positive.

And please don’t mention to anyone that you are on a vow of celibacy / flirting or dating haitus; trust me, they will take it as a bona fide challenge, and it doesn’t help.

Thankfully, I made it home un-satisfied.

1. My loyalty to ATT (still typing on iPhone… Stupid “U-verse”

2. Coffee at 4pm

3. Attempting to make risotto in under 10 minutes

4. Telling new coworkers I write a blog