Ah. The sweet smell of In-ter-net.

Finally, after THREE WEEKS of being without web access on my laptop, the ole DSL goes up. What’s that you say? Why in the hell does she have DSL? Because I was told that there was no cable offered in my area. And I believed them. And that was wrong.

So after Bruce, the very nice technician, came to my house and noticed that my apartment’s 90-year-old wiring was not set up for speeding across the World Wide Web, I accepted the bad news and thanked my lucky starts that at least I could post a friendly b.log without thumb-tapping on my iPhone. Just no big video downloads for me.

But instead of feeling frustrated that I was not moving forward with the pace of technology, I decided that I’m going to move backward. As in, I’m going Tech Retro:

• I got myself a landline. With a corded phone. (And I’m hunting for a rotary).

• I am giving up a Netflix, etc. (that includes iTunes downloads, web streaming) and opened up an account at my locally-owned video store.
• I’m using a 1950’s Toastmaster metal toaster with fabric electrical cord and melted plastic Wonderbread circles on the side

And yes, I was tempted to get one of these:

[ from fonejackerhacker.co.uk ]

Perhaps because “effects of modern life on mental health” is a central theme of my show BURST; perhaps because I am a newly-hatched iPhone (ab)user; or perhaps because I am both terrified and titillated by the inevitable momentum of this world into one more virtual — either way, when I read this ( “Internet Addiction Center Opens in U.S.” – NPR.org ) and watched this ( a Sony Vaio spot ) and found the stage website about Social Media Addiction (genius marketing, Sony), I couldn’t help but feel… well, intrigued. Vindicated. Stimulated. Angry. Old. Inspired. Lonely. Fearful. Sad…

Nauseous.

[Time Lapse: 120 minutes]

I’d finish this post, but I seriously just got sidetracked watching YouTube videos and reading NPR articles on social media as it relates to mental health. God save me us all.

But this concept (not a new one), has always made sense to me:

Article from Time.

I suppose when itching to get published you have to take what you can get (my Letter to the Editor published in SF Chronicle).  Note their given title: “Extortion in SF”

I think I just felt my bad parking karma increase…

Sorry to get political again, but… it’s that time of year. I promise I’ll keep it brief.

An informative chart from The Washington Post (which also appeared in the New York Times, and others) shows tax cuts/raises for respective income levels.

I found it really interesting, as I am of mixed mind regarding taxes, fiscal policy, etcetera; it usually comes down to my general support of higher taxes in theory (yes, I really just said that), but my almost always opposing what’s done with those taxes in practice (I’m talking bi-partisan here… they’re both to blame.)

If I’m ever making $603,403 annually (God willing), I feel like maybe it’s okay to be paying more into the pot (I know, I know: check back in with me when I am…) However, I do feel sympathy for those business owners whose inherently American values of “I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, I earned it, it’s mine”) are facing radically higher taxes only to see those taxes being dumped into a bank bailout, or pork-barrel legislation… or a war.

I guess I’d just feel less desperate funding these things while I’m pulling down 600k.

From a purely non-partisan, objective angle now, I simply found the Washington Post’s tax chart interesting because I know that amidst all this tax talk from both candidates, my brain spins to follow. What does it mean for me, and what does it mean for you. And… do I care what it means for “you,” if I’m coming out even, or ahead? (Uh… my answer is, I do. Really: I do. Remember, we’re all connected, My Child.)

While we instinctively react to “tax cuts for me=good; raising taxes for me=bad,” it really has more to do with principles that surpass being either Republican or Democrat; surpasses free market capitalism or bleeding-heart socialism (… or worse / …or better) and has to do with what kind of society we want to live in, and how the hell do we make our ideals manifest, anyway? What are the best cultural values to posses — mass compassion or inner resolve? Does our country work better when we help “all boats rise together,” or “put on our own oxygen mask before assisting others”?

Wow. This isn’t brief at all! This is a complex question with no clear answer [she says, doe-eyed], certainly not one that can be solved by one guy or one party… or one hardly-read, inconsequential “blogger.”

This is all too much. What’s a girl to do? I guess I’ll just vote for the third party.*[1]

* Important note: this is sarcasm. I don’t actually intend to vote for Paris. I’m not a fan, per se, but found myself curiously garnering respect for the girl when she launched this video. I think it was the fact that, despite preconceived notions, I discovered that she can actually form a coherent sentence. Good for you, P.H.!

This is not a political blog.

I try my darndest to keep it as close to a creative personal narrative as possible. But I have to interrupt your regularly scheduled blog for this public service announcement [I'm sorry, in advance, to those of you whom I know read my blog but don't, however, agree with my politics]. We all must do what we must.

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I leave the country for three weeks, and I come back to discover Hill has dropped out of the race, gas is over $4 a gallon, and this is what passes for viable music subjects:

 
Kid Sister ft. Kanye West – “Pro Nails” from Ruben Fleischer on Vimeo.

Mani-Pedis? Oh, Kanye… And to think, I was just making headway in Arab-American relations.

I showed up the Penngrove Firestation, my polling place, in the early afternoon.

I was excited to vote. I’ve been largely undecided through the past few weeks, owing to my pervasive innate indecisiveness, but also to my mixed feelings about the candidate choices —

before Obama even decided to run, I was a fan. Ever since reading about him in the Economist a year and a half ago, I thought he was presidential material. And of all years for him to run, this was his chance year.

Hillary, I’ve always liked her involvement in health care — a very big issue for me — and although she seems more political and divisive (can you just imagine the GOP going after her in the general elections?), I have to admit, I like Team Billary anyway.

And every one else? Sorry, I’m in it to win.

But I woke up this morning and decided to go with my original feelings — I was arguing with my friend back in January of ‘07 that I wanted to see in the white house someone who could inspire the country again, regardless of experience or politics, and that Obama was it.

Plus, when it comes to voting, my decision methods are simple: Cry me once, shame on me. Cry me twice, shame on you. Oh, Hill- I was with you for the first waterworks, but you should know better than to try the same stint twice. And at Yale, of all places.

So there you go.

I told myself that I wasn’t going to write on NKS about my primary election opinions — honestly, I’m not smart enough to publish political opinions in a public forum.

But then I arrived at my polling station, where my registration was apparently cancelled. I had them call the San Francisco Registrar’s Office in the event I was still registered there. Nope.

I was a homeless voter.

And so, I was turned away with no glowing satisfaction of citizenly duty, nor cocky “I VOTED, DID YOU?” sticker.

Dejected, I drove home and checked my email. In my inbox was an all-call to vote for Obama.

“I wish I could!” I shouted, my voice truly going unheard. [sigh]

And so all I can do, I suppose, is watch as the results come in, and write this little post in the hopes that some of you out there, if undecided, forgive me and my celebrity friends for sharing our opinions:

OBAMA in’08

Baseball pitcher Kenny Rogers’ dark “smudge” on his hand during the World Series last night raised eyebrows (ESPN story) — was it dirt, tree sap or magic pitching cream? NPR even flippingly referred to it as “Dirt Gate” — or perhaps that was just my half awake mind.

All I know is that I’m not much of a sports fan and perhaps this is why. The “dark cloud” (or brown sticky cloud) of a potential scandal somehow came as no surprise — particularly in baseball. Sigh.

Cheating or no cheating, there’s going to be some great Halloween costumes to come out of this (can’t you see them now?), as well as a continued chipping away at the image of sports figures as role models (“don’t tell me you actually still believe in that role-model-bullshit?“)

No, but some people do.
But hey — we can always looks to other celebrities, like singers and songwriters, for role models, right? Like… the other Kenny Rogers! We’ve always got him! See: his hands are clean!

[Images from WIREIMAGE.com/PressWire on espn.com and 8notes.com]

The sun wasn’t the only thing to come out yesterday in San Francisco.

Rainbow-colored balloons, gospel singers, fetish proponents, pet adoption agencies, celebrities and even the authorities themselves — everyone seemed to take pride being a part of the 2006 Gay Pride Parade.

Hundreds of thousands of people flocked along Market Street and Civic Center to celebrate one of the largest pride celebrations in the world.

Famous faces included actor Leslie Jordan, “L Word” star Jennifer Beals, Mayor Gavin Newsom and Elivra.

“This is so exciting! I love getting to be a part of this!” said Jeff Hindenach, a South Bay resident who had rented a hotel room in the city to be able to participate in the weekend-long festivities.

“This blows any other pride parade I’ve been to out of the water,” smiled Lindsay Lebrune of San Jose, referring to the size and turnout of the parade.

Although locals and visitors alike reveled in the color, spectacle and party-like atmosphere that enveloped downtown, others enjoyed being able to revel in the symbolism of the day.

“It’s not about being gay. It’s about freedom” declared Shannon DeJong of San Francisco. “This has always been an important issue for me — gay rights — not because I was gay, per se, but because I should have a right to be. I would never want to be denied freedoms because of who I am, so it follows suit that I should be a proponent of those who are denied freedoms because of who they are. We should all have a right to be who we are, freely, equally.” She stepped down from the rickety soapbox upon which she was balancing and received a high five from a cute brunette.

“Wait, wait, wait!” DeJong yelled, grabbing this interviewers attention with her voice. “Aaaaand, just look at this parade. Crazy shit. Now, do we live in one of the best cities in the world, or what? Where else could you have a rainbow-striped cross without inciting riots? San Francisco, that’s where.”

~More pictures of the event here~

~The SF Chronicle story on Pride 2006 can be found here~

The New York Times reported today that “Nevaeh” (nah-VAY-uh) is an increasingly popular name for girls, with modern parents inspired by Christian rock star Sonny Sandoval of P.O.D., who appeared on MTV in 2000 with his daughter, Nevaeh.

“Nevaeh,” you see, is “Heaven” spelled backwards.

As a professional namer, I think I’ll be taking this naming approach on future client projects. You know, like, “Erawtfos” for our next Microsoft product, or “Elibom” for some of our mobile phone clients, and I think I’ll offer up “Cigam” as a potential name the next time we work with Disney.

Hell, I don’t even have to be client-specific. “Eman” seems a genius name for anyone! Perhaps I’ll even patent the process and open up a naming agency of my own. We’ll call ourselves Sdrawkcab-ssa: Naming the wrong way.

Or, as my boss said when I mentioned this to him, “Tihsllub.”

The New York Times reported this story today, titled “Leaving the Wild, and Rather Liking the Change” about native peoples of the Amazon rainforest that seemed to suddenly decide they were “ready to join the modern world.”

True, I’ve never had to walk hundreds of miles to dart-gun a monkey for dinner, but let me tell you: sometimes after a day in the city — with sirens screaming round the clock, homeless near-corpses littering the sidewalks, over-amped taxi drivers streaming through crosswalks, and pigeons deciding to perch upon my newly purchased, fresh-organic machi with al dente asparagus tips salad — my god! do I want to greet the Nukak-Makú group at the Columbian forest edge and yell “Go back, before it’s too late! Turn around before you turn into this!” whence I will commense gesticulating wildly and frantically point at my overpriced blonde highlights and tastefully conservative heels.

Welcome to the jungle.

I do not know if they are ugly as I haven’t been able to find an image, but these pants certainly deserve mention in the pants section of my site. It looks like Apple once again revolutionizes not just music but fashion as well…

I apologize for my lack of attention to this story, considering the passionate feelings I hold toward Starbucks. I have, however, crawled out from under my avalanche of work to do a little bit of internet research.

The San Francisco Chronicle reported today that a man by the name of Ronald Schouten, 44, of San Francisco has been arrested in connection with an explosive device that was found in the Starbucks’ bathroom on Van Ness.

Living the the Age of Google, I thought I would see if I could find out any further information on Mr. Schouten by engaging in a favorite activity: name Googling, or, as I like to refer to it: Armchair Journalism.

I searched:
“Ronald Schouten”
+ “Ronald Schouten” + “San Francisco”
+ “Ronald Schouten” + bomb
+ “Ronald Schouten” + glue (earlier vandals had smeared glue on other San Francisco Starbucks’ stores)

And if learning about those with whom one shares a name on the Googlesphere reveals anything about oneself, I think my research has been very telling. Here is what I discovered:

1. Ronald Schouten is a special contributor for OS News, an online computing forum
2. Ronald Schouten is a father of an epileptic girl in Delft, Netherlands
3. Ronald Schouten is a Marketing Officer at Abebooks.com an online independent bookstore out of BC, Canada
4. Ronald Schouten, M.D., J.D., is the Director of the Law & Psychiatry Service of the Massachusetts General Hospital and Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School–specializing in workplace violence and prevention…
5. And then there’s this guy.

…enough said. Back to the avalanche…

For a lit-geek such as myself, the whole JT LeRoy phenomenon is fascinating.

JT LeRoy was purported to be the newest literary celebrity who wrote a semi-autobiographical account of his experience as an abused homosexual afflicted with AIDS and spent time as a male prostitute until taken in by Laura Albert and her husband, Geoffrey Knoop.

Only that, as it turns out, JT LeRoy doesn’t exist.
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Welcome to the season of New Gym Memberships!
Come January, many people scramble to join for that New Year’s Resolutions, burn off those extra chocolate-logged pounds and remake themselves in the image of, well, something better than themselves.

Guilty as charged. [Raising hand as the first to admit Me Too]

It should be obvious that gym memberships are for suckers such as myself that spend 40-100 hours a week sitting in front of a computer. (And to set the record straight, being a loyal San Franciscan: yes, I do walk to work, the grocery store, and…bars). Gym memberships are not, however–unlike Trix–for kids.

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