Taking no prisoners. Including herself.

Tally so far: $55

Complaints #8, #9, #10, #11: I just don’t look the same in a bathing suit as I did when I was 20 [expletives deleted]

Realization: Whether it’s the admission that gravity is a force to be reckoned with, or “You mean I’m not a size 2 anymore?!” — sometimes the truth is ugly. Learn how to make it beautiful.

* * *

Complaints #8-11 are just plain expected… I turned 27 yesterday.

I am now “no longer in my ‘mid-to-late twenties’… just flat in my late twenties.” [Thanks, I.G.] To celebrate, my mom took me shopping a couple of days ago. This is not a past time I usually indulge in; However, she offered to buy me a new bra and socks, so how could I turn her down?

We went to Macy’s. (I remembered why I don’t go to malls.)

She had to get a new bathing suit for a cruise trip she’s going on, so I meandered through racks of strange pieces of string meant to pass for bathing suits. I had a few questions:

Have bathing suits always been this skimpy? Why is it okay to walk around in public in one of these things but not okay to prance around in my bra and underwear? And more importantly: How did I used to fit into one of these contraptions?

Well, you can see where this is going: out of curiosity, I had to try something on — ergo, Complaint #8… #9… #10, aaaand #11. It wasn’t that my body looked bad, it just looked… different. I have always been a very slender, almost lanky girl, and the last couple of years I’ve had to realize that I’m, er, a woman.

As I stood in front of the dressing room mirror, $5 complaints falling from my lips, I had to acknowledge the truth: I have hips. And breasts. And jiggle.

After my mom pointed out my $20 mistake, I was determined to make this a positive experience. So I returned to the racks once again to find a suit that made me feel as confident as a 20-year-old — even if I didn’t look like one.

And here’s how I did it: I used my brain. I officially renounced all bathing suits that show more crack that the sidewalks of San Francisco, and went retro — I found a suit straight out of the 1920′s when they were called bathing suits for a reason. The name of this piece is called the –get this– “Jam on it Jumper.” (I would killed for that naming job.)

Oh, mama — now that’s thinking for you:

I\'d jump that

It’s from a company called b swim and I absolutely love it. On the hanger it may look a little frumpy next to all those barely-there bikinis, but on, my new suit is tastefully cut yet refreshingly sexy. Now this beach season will be no-stress and high-fashion.

I may not have my 20-yr-old, fire-red body, but baby you better believe my mind is hot, hot, hot.

§434 · March 23, 2008 · Perspective · · [Print]

4 Comments to “Age-Old Complaints”

  1. jared says:

    S – happy birthday!

    i too just turned 27 last week and it hit a little hard…

  2. alia says:

    Yeah, baby, hot suit… it will provide an interesting tan line as well… but of course we’d be better not to tan anymore, now that we’re in our late 20s and could for all intents and purposes be considered crones. I don’t know about you but I think varicose veins and cellulite add sex appeal.

  3. Aunt Penni says:

    Enjoy your new bathing suit. So glad you went classy instead of skimpy! Mom was offering to buy you socks or /and a bra? Was she telling you something? Macys…hum. Get the bras at Victorias Secret. Might as well have great color and lace as you go into your LATE twenties….Happy Birthday, niece!
    By the way, you save several more years to enjoy your twenties…so do that…enjoy!

  4. Mandy says:

    I recently got a suit that actually has a skirt on it. “Oh, you look like a movie star!” Best words you could ever hear while wearing a swimsuit. Here’s to growing old and making smart fashion choices!

Leave a Reply